CLOSE ENCOUNTERS; THEY’RE UP THERE

August 05, 2026

by Rusty W. Mitchum

I finished mowin’, cleaned up, and laid down on the couch to rest my eyes. The next thing you know I was out. An hour or so later, I woke from my nap with a start.

“Man!” I exclaimed and sat up. Janet looked up from her book and over at me on the couch.

“Problem?” she said.

“Nightmare,” I said as I rubbed my eyes. “Wanna hear about it?”

“Not particularly,” she replied.

“It was nighttime,” I said, and I heard Janet sigh. I continued. “I was headed down County Road 42. That’s the road we live on.” Janet gave me the look.

“I know the road we live on,” she said.

Ignorin’ her, I continued. “Suddenly there was a bright light above my Jeep. This was up just past the Gilmore’s house. I tried to look up at it, but it was blindin’ me. I couldn’t see and I missed the curve, left the road, and was headin’ for the ditch. I pulled on the steerin’ wheel and managed to get back on the road. The light was still above me, so I stepped on the gas. I came to the stop sign at the end of the road, but didn’t dare stop. I tried to slow down enough to turn, but I ended up goin’ across the road, through the Kindig’s bob wahr fence, and plowed through their front pasture. Fortunately, I was able to cut back toward the road. I broke through another stretch of bob wahr and turned upon 724 and headed south. I mashed down on the foot-feed a good two inches below the floorboard and before long I was doin’ about a hunnerd and ten.

“Hold it,” said Janet. “A hundred and ten?”

“Yeah.”

“In your Jeep?”

“Hey! It was a dream.”

“Your Jeep wouldn’t go a hundred and ten if it was pushed off of the Empire State Building……. even in a dream.”

“Are you through?”

“For now.”

“Anywho, when I passed the church, I was goin’ so fast it sucked the letters off of the sign.” Janet rolled her eyes.

“It’s an electronic sign,” she sighed.

Still ignorin’ her comments, I continued. “When I rounded the curve at the Cates’, I was on two wheels and I stayed that way until I passed Gimble Road. The light stayed with me over Blackfork Creek and then it started gettin’ lower. It was almost touchin’ the top of the jeep. Just as I topped Verner Hill, the Jeep’s lights went out and the motor shut off. I tried to get out, but the doors were locked and I couldn’t unlock ‘em. Then the lights moved behind me and dropped down to the road. I was yankin’ on the door handle while lookin’ in the rear-view mirror. Then the bright lights dimmed and what I saw was this here little flyin’ saucer. Then I saw a door on the side of it lift up and somethin’ stepped out. It had a big ol’ head and long spindly arms. Its legs were really short and they didn’t have any knees. It was wearin’ what looked like German lederhosen shorts and a crop top. It started wobblin’ toward my side of the Jeep. I started yankin’ on that door handle like crazy. It stepped up to my window. It had great big ol’ eyes and they were crossed. It pointed this long knobby finger at me and started twirlin’ it like it wanted me to roll down the window. I slowly rolled down the window to about the halfway point, stuck my mouth up to the window and said, “Say man, what’s up?” Janet was still givin’ me “the look,” but this time she included an eye roll.

I continued. “It opened what I guess was its mouth, but it looked more like an eyelid with an empty socket behind it. Then it spoke.” I didn’t say anything else and just looked at Janet.

“Well,” she said.

“Well what?”

“What did it say?”

“Oh! In a high-pitched squeaky voice it said, ‘Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?’”

Janet’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t say anything.

“Well,” I said, “I told it I didn’t have any Grey Poupon, but I rambled through the console and found a couple of some old packets of Whataburger mustard and gave it that.” Then I looked at Janet real serious like and said, “Now let me tell you the weird part.”

She stuck up her hand to stop me. “I know the weird part,” she said. “I married the weird part.” Then she got up and walked into the kitchen shakin’ her head.

“Brain tumor,” she mumbled. “It just has to be a brain tumor.”