Nearly 10 years ago, Janet and I celebrated our 42nd weddin’ anniversary with a cruise to Alaska. Man, we had a blast. We flew in late on a Friday night and spent the next day walkin’ around Vancouver. Beautiful City. On Sunday we boarded our ship and set sail, or whatever they called it.

Janet and I had a nice surprise when we got to our stateroom. There were two invitations for two different nights for free dinners at one of the high dollar (not part of the cruise package) restaurants on board; anniversary presents from our travel agent, Sue Richards of Hideaway.  

Janet called to set up a reservation and they had an opening that very night, the first night of our cruise. Janet dolled up and I put on some starched jeans, a starched shirt, and an old canvas sports jacket, oh yeah, and my boots.  

"I knew I should have packed your clothes," Janet sighed. 

"Hey," I replied. "This is what I wear to Church. If it's good enough for the Lord, it's good enough for this bunch."

With the help of a couple of crew member’s instructions, we made it to the eatin' joint. I gave them our invitation and a pretty Asian lady showed us to our table. She seated us next to the window, so we could look out over the water at the sunset.  

On the table was a beaucoup of plates, glasses, and a whole slew of silverware. On top of the biggest plate was a napkin folded so that the corners were pointed up at the ceilin'.  

"Look!" I said. "A crown! Just like at Burger King."

          The lady looked at me sort of confused like. Then she looked at Janet.

Janet made a little sheepish lookin' smile and said, "He's special."

The lady smiled, bowed her head a couple of times and left. 

"Idiot," said Janet.  

"Hey, that was funny."

"No it wasn't. Now behave."

About that time a big fellow in a white coat walked up and introduced himself. He had a thick accent and I couldn't understand what he said his name was, so I improvised.  

"Where're you from, Buck?" I asked. I could hear Janet's eyes rollin' in her head. 

He spit out the name of some country that sounded like when you pull your foot out of the mud.  

"Sounds like a wonderful place," I said.  

"Tank you," he said. "You muss be from Texas."

"That right," I smiled. "You're pretty good there."

He smiled really big like. "I like Texas," he said.  

"Who dudn't?" I smiled back.

Janet and I both ordered water and when he came back he also brought a basket of bread. While Janet was busy butterin' a roll, I was chattin' up my new friend. When he left I looked over at her and she had a puzzled look on her face.

"What's the matter." I asked.  

"Oh, nothing," she said. "I didn't see the butter knife and I used this one instead."

"Oh no!" I exclaimed. "Quick, lick the butter off of it and grab the other one before someone notices!"

She gave me a half-eyelid look. "Funny," she said sarcastically. 

About that time, my new buddy came back. 

"Iz everyting alright?" He asked.  

I motioned for him to lean closer and I whispered, "She used the wrong knife."

He smiled. "No problem," he said. "I get you new knife."

"No, that's alright," said Janet.

"No, no. No problem," he said and he rushed off.  

"There you go," I said. "Problem solved." Janet stared daggers at me.  

By the time the waiter made it back with Janet's new knife, we had made our selections from the menu. Janet ordered a petit fillet and I was just about to tell him my selection when he spoke up. 

"You want bone-in ribeye, no?" he said. 

I looked surprised. "How about that?" I said. "That's exactly right!"

He smiled really big like again. "I knew it!" he said. "You from Texas!"

"Ha," I said and slapped my knee.

"Brother," I heard Janet say under her breath.  

"I go get steaks ready," he said, still smilin'. Janet was still givin' me "the look."

"What?" I asked. She just shook her head.  

After awhile he returned with our meal. He placed Janet's little fillet in front of her. It looked like a burnt biscuit. Then he put mine down. Man, it nearly covered the plate. It looked like somethin' Fred Flintstone would have ordered.  

"Wow!" I said. "Now that's a steak right there!" He smiled and left.  

Man, was it good. I worked that steak over. I barely touched any of the vegetables we had also ordered. I just didn't want to waste any precious room in my stomach on anything but that steak. Well, I wore that thing down to the bone. I put my knife and fork down and was starin' at the nearly meatless bone.  

"Don't you dare," warned Janet. 

"What?" I asked.  

"If you pick up that thing and start gnawing on it, I'll stab you," she said.  

I looked at her and smiled. "Oh yeah," I said.  "Which knife are you goin' to use?"

Slowly she smiled at me. "All of them."

 

 

All Rights reserved 9/27/2015