My wife Janet and I were drivin’ down the road the other day, and I saw an old wagon for sale.  It looked like the kind they used to use to take us kids on hayrides.  That got me to thinkin’.  I wonder if kids go on hayrides anymore.  A hayride was a pretty big deal back when I was a kid.  Hayrides were always better when it’s cold out.  There’s nothin’ better than snugglin’ under a blanket with the girl of your dreams, hopin’ for a kiss, and believe me, I was always hopin’ for a kiss.  Seein’ that wagon made me think about my first hayride….

My cousin Coy’s church was puttin’ on a hayride, and he had asked his girlfriend to accompany him.  She agreed, but only if he could find a date for one of her friends.  Well, Coy sure wasn’t goin’ to miss an opportunity to be with his girl, so he recruited me.

Now, let me stop here a minute and explain somethin’.  Churches used to put on hayrides all the time.  If fact, lookin’ back, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a hayride that wasn’t put on by a church.  Back then, Coy was a Baptist and I was a Methodist.  Baptist put on hayrides, and Methodist had dances.  Now here’s the weird part.  When Methodist kids were invited to the Baptist hayrides, they could go, but when a Baptist kid was invited to a Methodist dance, they couldn’t go, unless they lied to their parents and told them it was a hayride.  Heck, I got more huggin’ done at a Baptist hayride than I ever got at a Methodist dance.  Anywho, where was I?  Oh yeah, my first hayride.

“Hey,” my cousin Coy said.  “I need you to go on a hayride with me.”

“Sorry,” I replied.  “You’re not my type.”

“Funny, he said sarcastically.  “I got you a date.”

“You’re kiddin’.  Really?  A real date?  With a girl?  Who is she?  What does she look like?”

“Slow down,” said Coy.  “I’ve never seen her, I don’t know her name, and what do you care what she looks like as long as she’s willin’ to be seen with you?”

“Har, har.  Real funny.  If you don’t know her, how’d you get me a date?”

“She’s a friend of Jenny’s.”

“Really?  Do you think she’s as pretty as Jenny?”  Jenny was really pretty, and I was jealous of Coy.

“How should I know?   I told you I ain’t never seen her.  Just be ready to go Friday night.”

Man, that week was one of the longest weeks of my life.  A date!  With a girl!  I would be the envy of the sixth grade.  I needed someone to tell me how to act, so I asked a friend named Sammy for help.  

Sammy was in my sixth grade class.  As a matter of fact, Sammy was in the sixth grade for the third time.  Somebody said that they wouldn’t let him into the seventh grade because his dad was bein’ held back there.

Sammy was probably the toughest kid in school.  Sammy also had girlfriends, lots of girlfriends.  So, he was my choice as my instructor.

“A blind date, huh?” said Sammy.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Could be bad.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  You never know what you’ll end up with.  But in your case, she’s the one who ought to be worried.”

“Har, Har,” I said.  “Come on, I need some help.”

“Okay,” said Sammy.  What’cha wanna know?”

“You know, what am I suppose to do?”

“Well, it’s best to start by puttin’ your arm around her.”

“Okay.  How do I go about doin’ that?”

“You start by pretendin’ to yawn, and then you stretch your arm out and wrap it around her.”  As he talked he demonstrated on me.  Just as he got his arm around my shoulders, a kid walked up and looked at us kind of funny-like.  Quickly, Sammy slid his arm up around my neck grabbin’ me in a neck lock.

“You ever call me that again and I’ll kill you,” he growled.  Then he looked at the kid.  “What’chu lookin’ at?”

The kid stepped back and said: “Nothin’…I wudn’t lookin’ at nothin’,” and he slinked away.

When the kid was out of sight, Sammy released me.  As soon as I was able to swallow again, I said, “Quick thinkin’.”

“Yeah,” Sammy smiled.  “Now, you want me show you how to kiss?”

“Oh no!” I quickly replied.  “That’s okay.  Thanks anyway.  Don’t need no help there,” and I exited.  I didn’t know how he was goin’ to demonstrate that, but I did know that I didn’t want to be around when he did.

Friday night finally arrived.  Aunt Christine, Coy’s mom, drove Coy and me to where the hayride was to take place.  We were goin’ to meet the girls there.

“Coy, you and Rusty behave yourselves,” she said.  “No roughhousing, and be polite.”

“Yes Ma’am,” we said.

She looked at me.  “Rusty do you feel well?  It’s awfully cold for you to be sweating as much as you are.”

“Awww, he’s just nervous about meetin’ that girl,” Coy said.

“Am not!” I replied.  “I always sweat like this.”

“Yeah right.”

After we were dropped off, Coy started lookin’ for Jenny.

“Maybe they chickened out,” I said.  “Maybe we ought to go home.”

“You wish.  Hey!  There they are.  Come on.”

I took a deep breath.  “Great,” I said sadly.

The girl with Jenny had her back to us as we walked up.

“Hi Jenny,” said Coy.

“Oh hi,” said Jenny and she grabbed the girl and spun her around.  “This is Coy, and this is Rusty.”

She was beautiful.  She had blond hair and freckles across her nose.  She extended her hand to me.  “Hi Rusty.  I’m Vicky.”

I took her hand and said, “Very meet to nice you.”

“Huh?” said Coy.  I just stood there with a dumb grin on my face.  Vicky giggled and Jenny rolled her eyes.

“Come on,” said Jenny.  Let’s get a good seat in the wagon,” and she grabbed Coy’s arm.  She was pulling him toward the wagon as Vicky looked at me.

“Shall we?” she asked.

“Shall we what?”

“Get in the wagon, silly.”

“Oh, heh, heh.  Yeah…uh… I mean, yes Ma’am…uh….I mean okay….Yeah.  “Let’s shall get in the wagon.”

She giggled.  “You are so funny.”

We climbed into the wagon, and some lady from the church handed us a blanket.  I didn’t know what to do with it.  Sammy hadn’t said nothin’ about no blanket.  But Vicky knew what to do.  She spread it over our laps and it wasn’t long before the wagon started movin’.  Vicky talked and talked and I just listened.  Every time I tried to say somethin’ it always came out mixed up, so I just kept my mouth shut.  Finally, I got up the nerve to try the yawn and stretch trick, but as I stretched my arm out, I accidentally bopped Vicky in the head with my fist, and then the button on my shirt got caught in her hair.  After we got it untangled, I put my hands back in my lap, and sighed.  I figured she thought I was really a goof, and I hated to look over at her, but she was so pretty, I couldn’t not look.  When I looked, she was smilin’.  Then she grabbed my hand, and held it.  I was in heaven.

What a wonderful night.  Before I knew it, the hayride was over.  Aunt Christine was waitin’ in the car and Jenny’s mom was waitin’ in hers, so we said our goodbyes.  As we were walkin’ away, I overheard Vicky talkin’ to Jenny.

“You know,” she said.  “He’s cute, but he sure sweats a lot.”

 

All Rights reserved 3/12/06